I am almost embarrassed to keep updating this blog with the in..out...in...out updates, but I guess since I started it I need to keep it going....
Last update, Gladine was set to go to the orphanage last Saturday, April 24th. We got a call from the parents during last week asking if they could keep her for the Easter Holiday which of course was fine with us. We then were set to pick her up, ("we" being Frank), on Monday. Frank went up the hill Monday and waited for 1 1/2 hours and Gladine was never presented and ready to go. Frank was very upset, and told them he would be back on Thursday and Gladine needed to be ready Thursday morning. I asked him then if we should be concerned about all of this and he said no, he just felt the parents are incredibly inconsiderate and the concept of time or appointments means nothing to them.
So yesterday he goes up and Galdine was not to be found...after three hours he left. He called us and advised us that if the parents were not able to simply have her bathed and ready to go to the orphanage, how can we expect them to go thru the process of the adoption, which involves some degree of effort from them. His advice was to "move on".......
"Move on"......"Move on"........All I could picture in my mind was Gladine's sweet face and the time we had spent together two weeks ago. I remember how enthusiastic her mom was, how her mom had sent her to me to be held, how her mom had referred to me as Gladine's "Pappa", how in my mind, I allowed this to become closer to a sure thing, a thought I had forced out of my mind until I left Haiti two weeks ago....and now we were being advised to "move on".......
Kim and I went out to eat last night and discussed the concept of "moving on". While we both agreed it makes the most sense and is the right thing to do, we both know the picture of Gladine is going to haunt us for a while. We also discussed that this is when you find out if "thy will be done" really means, "thy will be done" or is it honestly closer to "Our will be done and and could thou please bless it"!!
If we are praying that above all else that God to lead this process, then we need to embrace that leadership and embrace this setback as a part of His plan. We reminded ourselves that our Lord sees the past, present and future, and we would be foolish to question His vision. We also realize it is not our job to understand, but to faithfully trust...and we do 100%.......
To make all of this a little more interesting, Frank called this morning and said Gladine's dad called him last night and said he still wants Kim and I to adopt Gladine, that her not being there was not an indication of the parents changing their minds and, "no matter what", he will be sure she gets to the orphanage. Frank and I discussed some very tall hurdles the parents would need to clear to get this back on track, for example, them bringing Gladine to Frank, not Frank going back to them. Them signing the papers as almost the very first thing that happens, things like that.....
So, while we will be cautiously optimistic, we are also not going to be foolish and are going to consider Gladine as a "no", until the papers are signed and she is off the hill and in the orphanage.....
So, only God knows....and that is good enough for us.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Back on Track.....Partly
Last Saturday I was back in Haiti, on the hill talking with the parents of Gladine and Fedeline. I was completely unsure as to why I was called in to meet with the Dad's but I was told they wanted to ask me some questions. The flight over was a little nerve racking, as the type of questions I was to be asked would determine if this process was to continue, or end. What I mean by that is questions such as "what will you do for us"? or "what is in it for me"? would mean the entire process was over. But real questions, questions about Kim and me, our home, family, resources, plans for the kids and their future, those questions would be welcomed.
So Saturday around noon, (high noon!), we drove up to the hill where Gladine's mom and dad were there waiting for me, as was Fedeline's dad. We picked a spot under a tree, where joined by about ten men from the village and our Q&A began.
Almost immediately I could tell Gladine's mom and dad were happy and I had a really good feeling about them. In fact at one point early on, Gladine's mom told her to come over to me and say "hello". She sheepishly did, and when she made her way over and was standing next to me, her mom told me to pick her up. I did and in about five minutes, Gladine was asleep on my lap. The mother would look over at us with a big smile and I really felt in my heart that Gladine was going to be going back to the orphanage and back on track to coming to us. I was correct and this weekend, Gladine will be going back to the Creche' orphanage!
Fedeline's dad was a different story. He kind of is an angry looking guy and as he spoke, i was unable to get any read from him at all. My Creole is no where nearly good enough to follow the conversation so I had to sit there not knowing what was being said, waiting for that first question and first indication of where this guy, (Johnico) was coming from. then Frank our interpreter finally looked at me and asked that first question:
"How will he know you are really going to love his daughter and you just don't want her because you have no kids of your own"? Wow, I remember being relieved because I knew then he really just wanted what was best for his daughter, and he asked a really good, but more importantly, loving question. He then asked things like: "Will I ever see her again"? "Will you bring her back"? "Can we come to see her"?, "Can we talk to her". I explained the best I could and told them in my horrible Creole: "ou pral tojou, tojou, se Fedeline's Papa...Li ou pral toujou pou ou pitit fi"..Which means in what I am sure is very broken Creole, "You will always, always be Fedeline's dad, she will always be your daughter".
For about an hour he asked very good and important questions and left by taking a picture I had brought of Kim and I and said he wanted to send her back to the orphanage. I gave him a kind of awkward hug and a smile as we headed back to the truck. Gladine's mom was really sweet, she took a picture from me of Kim and me and one of the bedroom Gladine will be sleeping in....really an incredible moment imagining Gladine's mom looking at this picture from time to time imagining Gladine sleeping in bed.
So as I walked past the squalor and the dilapidated tents and dirt, I thought for about five minutes Fedeline and Gladine were headed back to the orphanage, then I ran into Fedeline's mom, who I had met before and she could not even look me in the eye.....my Spidy-sense was tingling.
I did find Fedeline looking pretty good, better than the last time I saw her, I said hello, kissed her on the head and had to go. When I got back to the truck I found Johnico, Fedeline's dad, irate. It seemed now Fedeline's mom did not want to adopt Fedeline to us! The same woman who two weeks earlier was crying when Johnico took Fedeline out of the orphanage and back to the hill, was now unwilling to adopt. I quickly came to understand that Fedeline's parents are not living together and it seemed for very good reason. I could see we were getting into the middle of some domestic power struggle thing which Kim and I do not have the time or inclination to enter. I asked Johnico to calm down, asked him to not make this a real ugly thing with Ketlove, Fedeline's mom, and simply said I had to go. It was sad though, explaining to Johnico what Fedeline's future was going to look like, pictures and all, then get his complete buy-in, only for him to be frustrated at the very end. The last thing I saw him do before we left was lightly slam his fists on the truck.
So I left with mixed emotions....VERY excited to call Kim and tell her Gladine was back on track, very bummed to think Fedeline was going to stay on the hill. But more than anything, trusting God...not wanting to do anything but trust God. He has been so good to us and He will work things out as he plans.
We are still not giving up on Fedeline but we are not going to actively pursue her. If there comes a day when her parents can both feel good about adopting her, they know where to find us.
One more good story, before I left, Gladine's mom brought her over to me and said something to me which ended in "papa". I think she was telling Gladine I was going to another Papa to her. I am pretty sure that is the first time I have ever been called "Papa"......hopefully not the last!
Thank you for your continuing prayers!
So Saturday around noon, (high noon!), we drove up to the hill where Gladine's mom and dad were there waiting for me, as was Fedeline's dad. We picked a spot under a tree, where joined by about ten men from the village and our Q&A began.
Almost immediately I could tell Gladine's mom and dad were happy and I had a really good feeling about them. In fact at one point early on, Gladine's mom told her to come over to me and say "hello". She sheepishly did, and when she made her way over and was standing next to me, her mom told me to pick her up. I did and in about five minutes, Gladine was asleep on my lap. The mother would look over at us with a big smile and I really felt in my heart that Gladine was going to be going back to the orphanage and back on track to coming to us. I was correct and this weekend, Gladine will be going back to the Creche' orphanage!
Gladine
Fedeline's dad was a different story. He kind of is an angry looking guy and as he spoke, i was unable to get any read from him at all. My Creole is no where nearly good enough to follow the conversation so I had to sit there not knowing what was being said, waiting for that first question and first indication of where this guy, (Johnico) was coming from. then Frank our interpreter finally looked at me and asked that first question:
"How will he know you are really going to love his daughter and you just don't want her because you have no kids of your own"? Wow, I remember being relieved because I knew then he really just wanted what was best for his daughter, and he asked a really good, but more importantly, loving question. He then asked things like: "Will I ever see her again"? "Will you bring her back"? "Can we come to see her"?, "Can we talk to her". I explained the best I could and told them in my horrible Creole: "ou pral tojou, tojou, se Fedeline's Papa...Li ou pral toujou pou ou pitit fi"..Which means in what I am sure is very broken Creole, "You will always, always be Fedeline's dad, she will always be your daughter".
For about an hour he asked very good and important questions and left by taking a picture I had brought of Kim and I and said he wanted to send her back to the orphanage. I gave him a kind of awkward hug and a smile as we headed back to the truck. Gladine's mom was really sweet, she took a picture from me of Kim and me and one of the bedroom Gladine will be sleeping in....really an incredible moment imagining Gladine's mom looking at this picture from time to time imagining Gladine sleeping in bed.
So as I walked past the squalor and the dilapidated tents and dirt, I thought for about five minutes Fedeline and Gladine were headed back to the orphanage, then I ran into Fedeline's mom, who I had met before and she could not even look me in the eye.....my Spidy-sense was tingling.
I did find Fedeline looking pretty good, better than the last time I saw her, I said hello, kissed her on the head and had to go. When I got back to the truck I found Johnico, Fedeline's dad, irate. It seemed now Fedeline's mom did not want to adopt Fedeline to us! The same woman who two weeks earlier was crying when Johnico took Fedeline out of the orphanage and back to the hill, was now unwilling to adopt. I quickly came to understand that Fedeline's parents are not living together and it seemed for very good reason. I could see we were getting into the middle of some domestic power struggle thing which Kim and I do not have the time or inclination to enter. I asked Johnico to calm down, asked him to not make this a real ugly thing with Ketlove, Fedeline's mom, and simply said I had to go. It was sad though, explaining to Johnico what Fedeline's future was going to look like, pictures and all, then get his complete buy-in, only for him to be frustrated at the very end. The last thing I saw him do before we left was lightly slam his fists on the truck.
So I left with mixed emotions....VERY excited to call Kim and tell her Gladine was back on track, very bummed to think Fedeline was going to stay on the hill. But more than anything, trusting God...not wanting to do anything but trust God. He has been so good to us and He will work things out as he plans.
We are still not giving up on Fedeline but we are not going to actively pursue her. If there comes a day when her parents can both feel good about adopting her, they know where to find us.
One more good story, before I left, Gladine's mom brought her over to me and said something to me which ended in "papa". I think she was telling Gladine I was going to another Papa to her. I am pretty sure that is the first time I have ever been called "Papa"......hopefully not the last!
Gladine and "Papa"
Gladine's mother and father
Fedeline's family (behind, you can see where they all live)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Click, click, click,click, click.........
Can you recognize that noise, click,click,click,click.....????? That is the sound of the car slowly climbing back up the roller coaster! This time we are praying we reach a plateau...or better we keep climbing.
After the girls were removed from the orphanage by their fathers, we have spent our time since running them down to find out why. Remember, our guys in Haiti met with the parents, collected birth certificates, spent two days explaining the process and ended up with consent from all involved. So why the change of heart? We have heard a lot of different things, some noble reasons, not wanting the kids in country, but at an orphanage hours away, concerns about horrible adoption stories, concerns they do not know me or Kim, things like that. Then there were the very ignoble reasons we heard, not worthy of discussing since we really do not know.
What we do know is I will be flying into Haiti on Friday and meeting with the dad's on Saturday, then flying home Sunday. I have been told they want to meet me, and they have a lot of question for me. I understand this request 100% and in retrospect, I should have been there to start with. But now I will have time to explain our hopes and dreams for their girls. I want to explain that we fully expect these girls to be vested and actively involved with Haiti from a young age. We expect that the kids will visit Haiti and maybe someday, as adults, will be in a position to help Haiti and Haitians.
More importantly, they need to know these girls will be loved, supported and cared for by two people more than ready and profoundly willing to do that.
The good news is that I have been told that Gladine's dad still wants to adopt her to us and is planning on doing so after our meeting. Fedeline's dad is still a very difficult read, but our Haitian "guide" thru this process told us a very interesting thing last night. He told us that if they offer to adopt their six year old to us, Guerdeline, instead of Fedeline, that I cannot refuse! He said it would be highly insulting to the parents and if we refused, we could lose Gladine as well, (Gladine and Fedeline's dad's are brothers). He explained that we would in essence be saying we would not love Guerdeline and it would speak badly about our capacity to love.
Sooooo, I guess all I can say for now is first, Saturday is going to be fascinating! Second, we thank God we turned this over to Him because otherwise, our heads would be spinning!
I will keep you all posted and thank you in advance for your prayers for God's will to be done.
After the girls were removed from the orphanage by their fathers, we have spent our time since running them down to find out why. Remember, our guys in Haiti met with the parents, collected birth certificates, spent two days explaining the process and ended up with consent from all involved. So why the change of heart? We have heard a lot of different things, some noble reasons, not wanting the kids in country, but at an orphanage hours away, concerns about horrible adoption stories, concerns they do not know me or Kim, things like that. Then there were the very ignoble reasons we heard, not worthy of discussing since we really do not know.
What we do know is I will be flying into Haiti on Friday and meeting with the dad's on Saturday, then flying home Sunday. I have been told they want to meet me, and they have a lot of question for me. I understand this request 100% and in retrospect, I should have been there to start with. But now I will have time to explain our hopes and dreams for their girls. I want to explain that we fully expect these girls to be vested and actively involved with Haiti from a young age. We expect that the kids will visit Haiti and maybe someday, as adults, will be in a position to help Haiti and Haitians.
More importantly, they need to know these girls will be loved, supported and cared for by two people more than ready and profoundly willing to do that.
The good news is that I have been told that Gladine's dad still wants to adopt her to us and is planning on doing so after our meeting. Fedeline's dad is still a very difficult read, but our Haitian "guide" thru this process told us a very interesting thing last night. He told us that if they offer to adopt their six year old to us, Guerdeline, instead of Fedeline, that I cannot refuse! He said it would be highly insulting to the parents and if we refused, we could lose Gladine as well, (Gladine and Fedeline's dad's are brothers). He explained that we would in essence be saying we would not love Guerdeline and it would speak badly about our capacity to love.
Sooooo, I guess all I can say for now is first, Saturday is going to be fascinating! Second, we thank God we turned this over to Him because otherwise, our heads would be spinning!
I will keep you all posted and thank you in advance for your prayers for God's will to be done.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Bummer
Friday's excitement of the girls arriving at the orphanage was sadly eclipsed by the disappointment of the father's coming on Sunday and taking the girls back home to their tent city on the hill. This is so sad on many fronts as the girls were adjusting well, they were eating, sleeping well, they were running around and having fun. Fedeline still had a fever and she was set to see a doctor yesterday. Also, Gladine's dad came on Friday and when he toured the home, he seemed very excited Gladine was going to have a bed and shower, things he said "he never had". But unexpectedly and so far inexplicably, they came yesterday and took them away.
What we do know is that this is not a case of the mothers missing the kids asking the dad's to retrieve them as Fedeline's mom told us last night, this is why she wanted to pretend the father wasn't around, because she knew he would "mess this up". We also do not feel the father's were heartbroken as this was not the case in the interviews and the one father wanted us to take all of 4 of his kids. We simply have no idea what happened or why and we may never know. There are cultural issues and issues of need and expectation which may play a part, but we simply do not know.
While this is very sad for us, we are grateful if this was going to happen that it is happening now. Today, these girls were ours mostly in our imaginations, imagining them at our house in their beds interacting with our family. We allowed ourselves to discuss what the weekend mornings would be like with them running around. And because the plan was to have them before Christmas, we of course imagined that as well. However six months from now, a lot of the "imagination" would have been replaced with real experiences with the girls as we planned many visits to be with them before they came home. We would have known so much more about these two girls and our love would have been much deeper and far more intricate. If then the father's would have shown up and taken them, that would have been rough!
So we may be back at zero, and sadly, the title of the first blog, "and so it begins", may be more appropriate now then Friday. It also is tough thinking about these two beautiful, precious girls back on the hill, in the dirt with bad food and water, a fever and hurricane season on the way.....it is hard to imagine much of a future for them, but there is always the possibility there is an explanation or the father's minds and hearts may change. The allure of a better life for your children remains strong for most Haitians. But if not, our trust in God's plan for our lives is not diminished or questioned even a little. We remain open and committed to His plan, whatever that plan is. He has proven Himself faithful to us in everything and if that means these kids, other kids or no kids, we are sold out to His plan.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PAST AND CONTINUING PRAYERS!!!
What we do know is that this is not a case of the mothers missing the kids asking the dad's to retrieve them as Fedeline's mom told us last night, this is why she wanted to pretend the father wasn't around, because she knew he would "mess this up". We also do not feel the father's were heartbroken as this was not the case in the interviews and the one father wanted us to take all of 4 of his kids. We simply have no idea what happened or why and we may never know. There are cultural issues and issues of need and expectation which may play a part, but we simply do not know.
While this is very sad for us, we are grateful if this was going to happen that it is happening now. Today, these girls were ours mostly in our imaginations, imagining them at our house in their beds interacting with our family. We allowed ourselves to discuss what the weekend mornings would be like with them running around. And because the plan was to have them before Christmas, we of course imagined that as well. However six months from now, a lot of the "imagination" would have been replaced with real experiences with the girls as we planned many visits to be with them before they came home. We would have known so much more about these two girls and our love would have been much deeper and far more intricate. If then the father's would have shown up and taken them, that would have been rough!
So we may be back at zero, and sadly, the title of the first blog, "and so it begins", may be more appropriate now then Friday. It also is tough thinking about these two beautiful, precious girls back on the hill, in the dirt with bad food and water, a fever and hurricane season on the way.....it is hard to imagine much of a future for them, but there is always the possibility there is an explanation or the father's minds and hearts may change. The allure of a better life for your children remains strong for most Haitians. But if not, our trust in God's plan for our lives is not diminished or questioned even a little. We remain open and committed to His plan, whatever that plan is. He has proven Himself faithful to us in everything and if that means these kids, other kids or no kids, we are sold out to His plan.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PAST AND CONTINUING PRAYERS!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)