Strengthening Family Ties

Wow, what a great week! Kim and I along with my sister, my niece and two of her friends spent last week in Haiti working on a school sponsorship program, (coming soon), but also spent the week with our daughter, Francesca. We packed her up and took her out of the orphanage to spend the week with us at Christianville, It was awesome being with her night and day for a week and for the first time in my life I began to feel like a dad. A dad who already is proud of his little girl. I cannot tell you what it feels like to hear her say "Papa"....it feels like God touching me.

I hope I can do justice in telling you how amazing Francesca is, and I will try. She is strong both mentally and physically, she is independent, she has an incredible spirit and she is really smart. In fact Kim and I have spent a lot of time since we have been back discussing and praying that we do not ruin her by bringing her here, seriously. She has such a beautiful spirit and you can tell her hardships have in many ways have made her a stronger, special, unique child, a unique person. She has a smile and a giggle that force a smile and warm the heart. We loved spending time with her knowing at the end of the week, leaving her was going to be rough, and it was, trust me. But, if all goes as planned, we will be back in October.

Just to prove I am not completely blinded, I can also tell you she is spoiled, big time. In her orphanage, every girl of about ten years or older takes on a mothering role and kind of caters to her needs. When she cries, she is picked up, when she is bullied, she is defended, when she wants something, she likely gets it. You would think that living in a tent city and then a Haitian orphanage that this may not be the case, but it is true. As soon as things did not go her way, she had a very clear and loud way of showing her disapproval! However once we simply left her alone and allowed her to cry, I think she quickly understood that Toto was no longer in Kansas!

The last night when she was having one of her mini tantrums, we took her to another room and sat her on the ground and let her cry. She realized we were not coming to rescue her and in about five minutes she was back up and playing. You could almost see her thinking, "well shoot, that didn't work".

Hopefully in the next week our paperwork will be making its way thru the US side of the process and will be in Haiti by mid September. Also, concurrently, our guys in Haiti have begun the process down there. They tell us it could be as long as a year, (UGH!), but could be, should be sooner than that. We are working every angle to make it sooner, God willing, much sooner.

Thanks for your continuing prayers!! I hope you all meet her very soon!

It's a Girl

Meet Francesca, the 1 1/2 year old girl who is going into the system in Haiti and God willing will be in Avon Lake, Ohio within the year!!! While we understand there remain many potential pitfalls, Francesca does not come with any strings like fighting parents, bad information or any concern if she will get into the orphanage, because she is already there.  We are off with a clean start.

Kim and I were in Haiti last week and we met Francesca and really had a blast with her.  We cannot wait to get back down there and spend some more time with her or take her to Christianville for a weekend.  We will be going back and forth to be with her every reasonable chance we get and cannot wait to get to know her better over the next few months.

Francesca was born a few months before the earthquake.  Her dad has not been around since the beginning and has legally abandoned her.  Her home was destroyed in the earthquake and she, her mom and two sisters have been living in a tent city since the earthquake.  Her mom surrendered her to an orphanage as she was simply unable to support her or care for her.  Also, those tent cities can be very rough especially on girls with no fathers around. The orphanage she took her to requires the mom's written, (but not legally binding), consent to adopt at the time she dropped her off, which she happily gave.  That orphanage however was full; luckily this place has worked with Sue's orphanage, our friend, to accommodate overflow kids when necessary, and thus, Francesca went to Sue's....this is where we met Francesca!

We hope to be back down late July or early August to see her again.  At the same time, Jimmy Carter may be going to Christianville in late July and August with 400 people to build 1200 homes in 6 weeks as part of Habitat for Humanity program.  If that happens, Kim and I and maybe a small group will go down and stay at the orphanage, but spend time documenting some of this amazing efforts on our campus.

on another front, while we were there we had a very sad meeting with Jhonnico, Gladine's dad.  He so desperately wants Kim and I to adopt Gladine, but her mother, who actually is not living with Gladine at this time but with another guy, is saying "no".  He knows her "no" is all about him and not about Gladine and he is really heartbroken.  As we explained to Jhonnico that our pursuit of Gladine is over, he kept asking for "more time, more time", but we explained, without the enthusiastic consent of Ket li, the mom, the process is far too risky for us.  We cannot invest the time and money if at any point the mother can change her mind.  As we told him, "Fini.... Fini" he pushed back from the table and I think he may have been crying a little. Even as he left he was telling me he was going to work it out, but I cannot see how. We did tell him we wanted to sponsor Gladines education and this way, we can stay in touch....(and who knows??......did I just say that?)

This is Fedeline (in the pink) and Gladine (in the red dress)

We went up to see Gladine and she was as is usual with a lot of these kids, a little sick, in a t-shirt and no shoes.  We found out their well is not working, which may be a good thing as two of the kids are suffering with Cholera.  We now are also looking at adopting one or two sisters from on the Hill, (officially named Bognette), Samantha and Donna. I wish we could take all 16 kids up there.  The conditions are deplorable, I am led to believe that some of the adults are stealing provisions, as I said the well is broken, a few kids have cholera and yet when we see them, they smile and laugh.....that seems to be what they are doing every time we see them, smiling and laughing. We do have plans underway to help these kids. Kim and I are going to start a program to get all 16 kids education sponsored, we are working with FISH Ministries, our sister mission, to build a kitchen so they can stop cooking in the dirt and we are regularly sending food and supplies up there.  We are also talking to a Haitian we know and trust to oversee all these projects so we can be sure what we need to happen, is happening..

Donna is 9 and Samantha is 4 and they have a screwed up parent situation as well, but we are still going to try.  The dad has not seen them in over a year but last week said he would love to have them adopted and prayed it would happen.  The mom lives in Ghana....that's right, Ghana Africa, (OK, I know what you are thinking but we are going to try anyway! We have to try). We will contact the mom this week and hope she is as enthusiastic as the dad because she is really going to have to want it and to work for it given her location.

 Donna age 9

 Samantha age 5

bottom-line, (today), we are thrilled we at least have Francesca on the line now and we will keep working for at least one more, maybe two, (why am I picturing rows of bunk beds in our basement?)

Anyway, it is a happy, exciting time and we know it is because of your prayers and the gracious God we serve.  THANK YOU!  Keep 'em coming.

Guarded Optimism....

Things have been kind of quiet until last week when Kim stumbled across a new orphanage who has three young girls for adoption and because of over crowding, are sending them all to our orphanage!  At the same time, Gladine has reentered the picture but that is kind of background noise now as we are not getting sucked into the soap opera with the parents.  If Gladine gets to the orphanage, great, if not, fine. 

Kim and I are headed down on the 23rd to meet the three girls who are already at our orphanage, Jessica, Diane and the third, a 7 month old who we do not know her name yet but we are told will be at the orphanage this week.  So the very exciting news is that we are heading down to spend some time with these girls and assuming all goes well, when we leave, the applications for 2 of them will be filed and the process will begin......so we proceed with guarded optimism. (our biggest concern is to hold off the temptation of submitting four applications!)

Conditions in Haiti this month have been awful.  The rain simply does not stop.  We were told the yard of the orphanage is flooded and the poor kids on the hill where Gladine lives are literally living in mud.  The last team sent us some pictures and you can see the muddy ground beneath them and the tents in total disarray, yet the kids are out smiling and playing and as usual, accept whatever comes and really find whatever joy they can.  (The joy in this case was s team that came and visited with them bubbles).  BTW, It is the horrible living conditions which have convinced Gladine's dad she needs to get off the hill.

We know just a little about Jessica and Diane.  Jessica lost both her parents in the earthquake and her uncle brought her to the orphanage.  I think Diane lost at least one parent in the earthquake as well.  They are not related but both were living in the same tent city.  They are not adjusting to the orphanage very well as the 1 1/2 year olds are apparently a bit aggressive, feeling they need to fight to get what they want.  A little too much slapping, hitting and pushing.  Sue, the director, said the good news is they are happy to be held and are comfortable with being handled and in fact will take a "nap in a lap" without any problems, so that is good.  But to think about the violence and chaos of the first year and a half of these two young lives is difficult to imagine.

We have no information on the 7 month old.

Seeing the pictures from last week of the mud up on the hill makes you so desperately want to be there with them.  We are looking forward to hanging out with all the kids, playing with them, holding them.  When you realize the joy a bottle of bubbles can bring, you really feel compelled to get down there with your own brand of joy to distribute and give these kids a great afternoon or evening.  Being with them redefines enjoying life's "simple pleasures". There are incredible lessons to be learned from them when witnessing how little it takes to bring a smile to a face or  fill a hillside with children's laughter.....it is awesome, it makes you think about what it takes to help us become truly joyful.  Anyway, we march on, Thanks again for all your prayers...one day, we will explain to our kids that they are the daughters of many praying, concerned "parents"!

Orphans walking through the mud

Enjoying the bubbles!

Fedeline is healthy and happy!

Only God Knows......

I am almost embarrassed to keep updating this blog with the in..out...in...out updates, but I guess since I started it I need to keep it going....

Last update, Gladine was set to go to the orphanage last Saturday, April 24th.  We got a call from the parents during last week asking if they could keep her for the Easter Holiday which of course was fine with us.  We then were set to pick her up, ("we" being Frank), on Monday.  Frank went up the hill Monday and waited for 1 1/2 hours and Gladine was never presented and ready to go.  Frank was very upset, and told them he would be back on Thursday and Gladine needed to be ready Thursday morning.  I asked him then if we should be concerned about all of this and he said no, he just felt the parents are incredibly inconsiderate and the concept of time or appointments means nothing to them.

So yesterday he goes up and Galdine was not to be found...after three hours he left.  He called us and advised us that if the parents were not able to simply have her bathed and ready to go to the orphanage, how can we expect them to go thru the process of the adoption, which involves some degree of effort from them.  His advice was to "move on".......

"Move on"......"Move on"........All I could picture in my mind was Gladine's sweet face and the time we had spent together two weeks ago.  I remember how enthusiastic her mom was, how her mom had sent her to me to be held, how her mom had referred to me as Gladine's "Pappa", how in my mind, I allowed this to become closer to a sure thing, a thought I had forced out of my mind until I left Haiti two weeks ago....and now we were being advised to "move on".......

Kim and I went out to eat last night and discussed the concept of "moving on".  While we both agreed it makes the most sense and is the right thing to do, we both know the picture of Gladine is going to haunt us for a while.  We also discussed that this is when you find out if "thy will be done"  really means, "thy will be done" or is it honestly closer to "Our will be done and and could thou please bless it"!!

If we are praying that above all else that God to lead this process, then we need to embrace that leadership and embrace this setback as a part of His plan.  We reminded ourselves that our Lord sees the past, present and future, and we would be foolish to question His vision.  We also realize it is not our job to understand, but to faithfully trust...and we do 100%.......

To make all of this a little more interesting, Frank called this morning and said Gladine's dad called him last night and said  he still wants Kim and I to adopt Gladine, that her not being there was not an indication of the parents changing their minds and, "no matter what", he will be sure she gets to the orphanage.  Frank and I discussed some very tall hurdles the parents would need to clear to get this back on track, for example, them bringing Gladine to Frank, not Frank going back to them.  Them signing the papers as almost the very first thing that happens, things like that.....

So, while we will be cautiously optimistic, we are also not going to be foolish and are going to consider Gladine as a "no", until the papers are signed and she is off the hill and in the orphanage.....

So, only God knows....and that is good enough for us.

Back on Track.....Partly

Last Saturday I was back in Haiti, on the hill talking with the parents of Gladine and Fedeline.  I was completely unsure as to why I was called in to meet with the Dad's but I was told they wanted to ask me some questions.  The flight over was a little nerve racking, as the type of questions I was to be asked would determine if this process was to continue, or end.  What I mean by that is questions such as "what will you do for us"? or "what is in it for me"? would mean the entire process was over.  But real questions, questions about Kim and me, our home, family, resources, plans for the kids and their future, those questions would be welcomed.

So Saturday around noon, (high noon!), we drove up to the hill where Gladine's mom and dad were there waiting for me, as was Fedeline's dad.  We picked a spot under a tree, where joined by about ten men from the village and our Q&A began.

Almost immediately I could tell Gladine's mom and dad were happy and I had a really good feeling about them. In fact at one point early on, Gladine's mom told her to come over to me and say "hello".  She sheepishly did, and when she made her way over and was standing next to me, her mom told me to pick her up.  I did and in about five minutes, Gladine was asleep on my lap.  The mother would look over at us with a big smile and I really felt in my heart that Gladine was going to be going back to the orphanage and back on track to coming to us. I was correct and this weekend, Gladine will be going back to the Creche' orphanage!

Gladine

Fedeline's dad was a different story.  He kind of is an angry looking guy and as he spoke, i was unable to get any read from him at all.  My Creole is no where nearly good enough to follow the conversation so I had to sit there not knowing what was being said, waiting for that first question and first indication of where this guy, (Johnico) was coming from.  then Frank our interpreter finally looked at me and asked that first question:
"How will he know you are really going to love his daughter and you just don't want her because you have no kids of your own"?   Wow, I remember being relieved because I knew then he really just wanted what was best for his daughter, and he asked a really good, but more importantly, loving question.  He then asked things like: "Will I ever see her again"?  "Will you bring her back"? "Can we come to see her"?, "Can we talk to her".  I explained the best I could and told them in my horrible Creole: "ou pral tojou, tojou, se Fedeline's Papa...Li ou pral toujou pou ou pitit fi"..Which means in what I am sure is very broken Creole, "You will always, always be Fedeline's dad, she will always be your daughter".

For about an hour he asked very good and important questions and left by taking a picture I had brought of Kim and I and said he wanted to send her back to the orphanage.  I gave him a kind of awkward hug and a smile as we headed back to the truck.  Gladine's mom was really sweet, she took a picture from me of Kim and me and one of the bedroom Gladine will be sleeping in....really an incredible moment imagining Gladine's mom looking at this picture from time to time imagining Gladine sleeping in bed.

So as I walked past the squalor and the dilapidated tents and dirt, I thought for about five minutes Fedeline and Gladine were headed back to the orphanage, then I ran into Fedeline's mom, who I had met before and she could not even look me in the eye.....my Spidy-sense was tingling.

I did find Fedeline looking pretty good, better than the last time I saw her, I said hello, kissed her on the head and had to go.  When I got back to the truck I found Johnico, Fedeline's dad, irate.  It seemed now Fedeline's mom did not want to adopt Fedeline to us!  The same woman who two weeks earlier was crying when Johnico took Fedeline out of the orphanage and back to the hill, was now unwilling to adopt.  I quickly came to understand that Fedeline's parents are not living together and it seemed for very good reason.  I could see we were getting into the middle of some domestic power struggle thing which Kim and I do not have the time or inclination to enter.  I asked Johnico to calm down, asked him to not make this a real ugly thing with Ketlove, Fedeline's mom, and simply said I had to go.  It was sad though, explaining to Johnico what Fedeline's future was going to look like, pictures and all, then get his complete buy-in, only for him to be frustrated at the very end.  The last thing I saw him do before we left was lightly slam his fists on the truck.

So I left with mixed emotions....VERY excited to call Kim and tell her Gladine was back on track, very bummed to think Fedeline was going to stay on the hill.  But more than anything, trusting God...not wanting to do anything but trust God.  He has been so good to us and He will work things out as he plans.

We are still not giving up on Fedeline but we are not going to actively  pursue her.  If there comes a day when her parents can both feel good about adopting her, they know where to find us.

One more good story, before I left, Gladine's mom brought her over to me and said something to me which ended in "papa".  I think she was telling Gladine I was going to another Papa to her.  I am pretty sure that is the first time I have ever been called "Papa"......hopefully not the last!

Gladine and "Papa"

 Gladine's mother and father

Fedeline's family (behind, you can see where they all live)

 Thank you for your continuing prayers!

Click, click, click,click, click.........

Can you recognize that noise, click,click,click,click.....?????  That is the sound of the car slowly climbing back up the roller coaster!  This time we are praying we reach a plateau...or better we keep climbing.

After the girls were removed from the orphanage by their fathers, we have spent our time since running them down to find out why.  Remember, our guys in Haiti met with the parents, collected birth certificates, spent two days explaining the process and ended up with consent from all involved. So why the change of heart? We have heard a lot of different things, some noble reasons, not wanting the kids in country, but at an orphanage hours away, concerns about horrible adoption stories, concerns they do not know me or Kim, things like that.  Then there were the very ignoble reasons we heard, not worthy of discussing since we really do not know.

What we do know is I will be flying into Haiti on Friday and meeting with the dad's on Saturday, then  flying home Sunday.  I have been told they want to meet me, and they have a lot of question for me.  I understand this request 100% and in retrospect, I should have been there to start with.  But now I will have time to explain our hopes and dreams for their girls.  I want to explain that we fully expect these girls to be vested and actively involved with Haiti from a young age.  We expect that the kids will visit Haiti and maybe someday, as adults, will be in a position to help Haiti and Haitians.

More importantly, they need to know these girls will be loved, supported and cared for by two people more than ready and profoundly willing to do that.

The good news is that I have been told that Gladine's dad still wants to adopt her to us and is planning on doing so after our meeting.  Fedeline's dad is still a very difficult read, but our Haitian "guide" thru this process told us a very interesting thing last night.  He told us that if they offer to adopt their six year old to us, Guerdeline, instead of Fedeline, that I cannot refuse!  He said it would be highly insulting to the parents and if we refused, we could lose Gladine as well, (Gladine and Fedeline's dad's are brothers).  He explained that we would in essence be saying we would not love Guerdeline and it would speak badly about our capacity to love.

Sooooo, I guess all I can say for now is first, Saturday is going to be fascinating!  Second, we thank God we turned this over to Him because otherwise, our heads would be spinning!

I will keep you all posted and thank you in advance for your prayers for God's will to be done.

Bummer

Friday's excitement of the girls arriving at the orphanage was sadly eclipsed by the disappointment of the father's coming on Sunday and taking the girls back home to their tent city on the hill.  This is so sad on many fronts as the girls were adjusting well, they were eating, sleeping well, they were running around and having fun.  Fedeline still had a fever and she was set to see a doctor yesterday.  Also, Gladine's dad came on Friday and when he toured the home, he seemed very excited Gladine was going to have a bed and shower, things he said "he never had".  But unexpectedly and so far inexplicably, they came yesterday and took them away.

What we do know is that this is not a case of the mothers missing the kids asking the dad's to retrieve them as Fedeline's mom told us last night, this is why she wanted to pretend the father wasn't around, because she knew he would "mess this up".  We also do not feel the father's were heartbroken as this was not the case in the interviews and the one father wanted us to take all of 4 of his kids.  We simply have no idea what happened or why and we may never know. There are cultural issues and issues of need and expectation which may play a part, but we simply do not know.

While this is very sad for us, we are grateful if this was going to happen that it is happening now.  Today, these girls were ours mostly in our imaginations, imagining them at our house in their beds interacting with our family.  We allowed ourselves to discuss what the weekend mornings would be like with them running around.  And because the plan was to have them before Christmas, we of course imagined that as well. However six months from now, a lot of the "imagination" would have been replaced with real experiences with the girls as we planned many visits to be with them before they came home.  We would have known so much more about these two girls and our love would have been much deeper and far more intricate.  If then the father's would have shown up and taken them, that would have been rough!

So we may be back at zero, and sadly, the title of the first blog, "and so it begins", may be more appropriate now then Friday.  It also is tough thinking about these two beautiful, precious girls back on the hill, in the dirt with bad food and water, a fever and hurricane season on the way.....it is hard to imagine much of a future for them, but there is always the possibility there is an explanation or the father's minds and hearts may change.  The allure of a better life for your children remains strong for most Haitians.  But if not, our trust in God's plan for our lives is not diminished or questioned even a little. We remain open and committed to His plan, whatever that plan is.  He has proven Himself faithful to us in everything and if that means these kids, other kids or no kids, we are sold out to His plan.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PAST AND CONTINUING PRAYERS!!!